Ever since becoming a mom 24 weeks and 2 days ago, I have been exposed to a plethora of mommy wars in action. I joined a few groups on Facebook to help me learn and to connect with other moms going through the same things as I am - an October mommies group, a C-Section Support Group, and even a group full of all moms that are local! They have been helpful in so many ways. I have made friends and formed bonds with women from all over the country and all over the globe. Plus, I have literally thousands of experienced women to help me at my fingertips!!!
But its not all sunshine and rainbows. There are also attacks on moms. Attacks for circumcising their boys or for using the "cry-it-out" method or for vaccinating or for not vaccinating. There are underhanded comments that imply that if you don't breastfeed you are somehow less than. I even got blocked in a group because a mom didn't agree with my parenting choice to feed Liam solids at 5 months instead of waiting until 6 months (current recommendations state it is best to wait between 4-6 months and to work with your pediatrician).
This is CRAZY to me!!! We are attacking each other! Now, let me add a caveat. There is strength and power in knowledge. We, as mothers, can and should undoubtedly be looking out for one another and helping each other learn what is best for our babies. Some things are very black and white and that information needs to be shared! For example, car seat safety. There is an end all, be all scientific way to secure your child properly. No puffy jackets, rear-facing until age 2 at a minimum, and chest clip at arm pit level - these are not negotiable opinions, they are fact. And we can TEACH each other these things lovingly, not with judgment or malice. Another scientific fact is the breastmilk is undoubtedly the best nutrition you could provide your baby. But formula is pretty damn good, too, and if you are unable or unwilling to breastfeed, as long as you feed your child, I still respect and support you.
But other things are far more gray: circumcision, sleep training, feeding solids, baby lead weaning, day care, staying home, and the list goes on. Let me lay down the FACTS about being a mother...
Mothers want what is best for their child. It is rare (thank God) to find a woman with children, whether she grew them in her own belly or adopted them as her own, that wants to cause harm in their child's life. There is an information overload in this new digital age and statistics fly around the internet as if they are the end all be all, but they are not. We, as moms, do what we know to be best. We do everything we can. We talk to our pediatricians that we TRUST and that know our babies individually. We do the absolute best that we know how. Crunchy-granola-stay-at-home-and-never-use-a-chemical-mom is no better than works-all-day-formula-feeds-and-uses-clorox mom and the latter is no greater than the former. They are equally AMAZING!!! Because they wake up every single day and do what they have to do for THEIR family, do the best job that they can to help their tiny humans become amazing, productive, kind, and loving members of society.
So next time you see a mom that is doing something that you wouldn't ask yourself these two questions:
1. Is this actually harming her child?
2a. If the answer is no, say nothing - love her, support her, give her a hug.
2b. If the answer is yes, tell her from a place of genuine kindness and love, free from judgement.
Together we are undoubtedly better. We have to stop fighting with one another and start spreading LOVE!
In the wise words of John & Yoko... Give PEACE a chance, mamas!!! <3
xo,
C
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