10 Things NOT to Say to a Pregnant Woman

Over the past 6 months of my pregnancy I have been showered with so much love and advice. Men and women alike have been so kind to share wisdom and encouragement with this first time mommy to be. Most of it is welcome, kind, and comes from a good place. If you have been one of those people that have given me support, I appreciate you. If you told me one of these things that I'm about to write about below, I'm not mad at you so don't get offended. My hormones just want to tell you how these "sayings" make me feel!

The advice, support, encouragement, and questioning that pregnant women get is something I couldn't have fathomed before it started pouring in. And yes, as I noted, so much of it comes from such a good place. But when you are on the receiving end, it doesn't matter where it comes from! Especially as a FIRST TIMER. I've never been pregnant, never given birth, never brought home a newborn, and have very little idea what to expect. This whole first time thing is not just amazing and awe-inspiring. It is SCARY, too!

I need to start working on practicing what I preach!

The things that happen to your body when you are pregnant are amazing!!! We all know about a lot of them - the possibility of stretch marks, varicose veins, the amazing growing belly - but there's things that a lot of people just don't talk about. You find out about those when you're pregnant. Then you ask your mom/sister/aunt/girlfriend and they act like some of the horrors I've seen and felt are NORMAL!!! Let me tell you that losing control of your body does not really feel NORMAL to me! I think that a lot of women forget what this feels like because a lot of what I am about to list is coming from the mouths of mothers.

Here are 10 things you should NOT say to pregnant ladies, no matter how kind you mean to be:

1. "You've gotta be close to your due date now! You look like you're about to pop!"

This happened to me in a Starbucks. An old man - he had to be closing in on 90 - asked if I had room for my coffee in that belly. He told me he thought I might pop right there. The sarcastic, dark humor side of me wanted to reply, "you look like you're about to die!!!" You'll be glad to know I refrained.

2. "Your belly is getting huge!"

Again, we pregnant people understand that you mean no harm but that doesn't mean we like to be called "big." We live in a society where big is bad, little is in. Many of us pressure ourselves to gain only the minimum amount of weight recommended and are anxious about every pound we go over that which for some women is many, many pounds. I know you mean it in a pretty, pregnant-huge way, but I scrutinize myself enough already. Don't call me huge.

3. "One kid is nothing, I don't know why you are worried."

Moms, this one is for you. I understand that in retrospect, life with baby number one was a lot easier than trying to manage baby number 2, 3, or 4. I get that the more kids you have the harder things can be. But I ask that you please try to remember how frightening it is to be in the process of becoming a mom of one. It will be terrifying and overwhelming and amazing and rewarding and exhausting. Don't downplay my fears. They are valid and you had them, too.

4. "You sure there's not two in there?!"

Nope. Not twins. Just a big belly. Thanks, again, for the reminder.

5. "With girls you tend to get big everywhere - you must be having a girl."

Pregnancy lore tells us that boys are carried straight out front and girls make mommies gain weight all around their body. I know I am not the only insecure person in the world. Being told we are getting big everywhere is not something we want to hear, even if you mean well!

6. "You better sleep now!!!"

You cannot bank sleep hours. And if I could sleep for longer than 2 hours without having to get up to go to the bathroom and/or try to turn over in bed (which takes about 100 times longer than usual), I would! I knew when I signed up for this whole pregnancy and having a baby thing that my life would change and that sleep would never be the same. I am okay with that!

7. "I only gained 15 pounds with my first pregnancy. I craved vegetables!"

I don't crave vegetables and I gained more than 15 pounds in just half of this pregnancy. I admire your self-control and your vegetable cravings. In fact, I envy you. But when I am telling you about how I am having a hard time with my body image, please don't rub in that you had a pretty pregnancy. I know that you don't mean it this way, but it comes across the same way that a celebrity saying "I don't have to workout, it is just natural" does.

8. "Let's just hope you don't get (insert horrid pregnancy condition)."

As if I am not scared enough! Pregnant women are responsible for the physical development of human life, then we get to push a watermelon out of something the size of a lemon OR get to have our insides cut open to bring said baby into the world. Then, as parents we are responsible for the entire well-being of another human being!!! The name we choose, the things we teach them... we are going to shape the lives of other people in a profound way. I do not care to add more worry onto what already keeps me awake at night. Life is not perfect and bad things happen but let me cross that bridge when I get there. Don't scare me into pre-term labor!

9. "When are you guys due?"

My husband is the most supportive man in the world. He laughs with me, wipes my hormonal tears when I cry, and even sometimes rubs my swollen feet. But he is not pregnant. He didn't have to give up 9 months of his life. He is not due. I am due. The baby is due. He is due to stand by our sides and be the best dad and husband in the world - which he will. But until he has to push an papaya out of his pinhole, he is not due.

10. "Life will never be the same."

...Duh!

I know that people mean well and I know that hormones cause us pregnant people to misinterpret, but please be kind. Please think before you speak. Pregnancy is so scary and overwhelming. My body is no longer my own to control and that trickles into so many other areas of life. It plays games in the mind of many pregnant women. We know we are nuts. I go from belly laughing to crying in a matter of minutes nowadays - I am crazy and I know it.

Pregnancy is also wonderful and magical. Let's talk about good things! Reassure me. Comfort me. I need it more than you know and more than this smile is telling you.

So if you know a pregnancy lady, I am asking you for her: support her, and love her, and just be there for her. And don't call her huge. Because that is just mean :)